Limbo

I’m currently in a state of limbo.

My depression has taken a step back, so I no longer spend 20 hours of day in bed. My motivation is above zero now, but still not much. After about 12-14 hours of sleep my body tells me to get up, and so I do. But then when I’m up, I don’t really want to do anything. My eyes become heavy, my mind somewhat foggy, and my natural inclination is to go to bed again, close my eyes, cover my head with a pillow.

Even right now as I write this, I have things on my to-do list.

1) I need to stream four interviews on Twitch and upload them to YouTube: interviews I recorded over the past 10 days or so, but wasn’t able to upload yet.

2) I need to stream a multi-hour narrative on Twitch about my first month of streaming (a recap), about my history of depression, about what I’ve learned from interviewing streamers so far.

3) I need to start sending out invitations again – invitations to streamers to come do an interview with me. Last time I sent invitations was two weeks ago. And this is something I need to do daily.

4) I need to respond to some people in my DMs. Mostly about interviews.

I could be doing any of those things right now. But like I said, my eyes feel heavy and I just want to close them. All I want it to fall asleep.

Strong black coffee, black tea with sugar, some gummy bears and some Imagine Dragons in my ears – all those things combined may give me somewhat of a boost. Keep me up and running for a few hours. But, man, it’s so much easier to just to go crash on my bed…