Monastic

I thought I'd write a bit about why I chose the username @monasticgamer, particularly the "monastic" part.

At 37 years of age I have lived through my fair share of existential crises, which made me see life in a different light. Not only that, but life has chosen to gift me with clinical depression, which sets my goals, motivations and desires very low. To put it simply, I don’t want things… in this life. If I really contemplate it, there is really nothing in the world that I want. Neither travel, nor fame, not success, not riches, not women. I don’t want things. I don’t want experiences. Nothingness is the only thing that I want.

For my monastic life at home, I’ve set up the following routine: get up at 3 AM, eat oatmeal, shower, and then start fasting, and fast for 12 hours while streaming. This is to have a religious dedication to streaming, to make it a spiritual practice almost. I listen to calm meditation music in the background.

Occasionally, I do meditation.

Like a monk, I reply on alms to keep me going, I rely on support from other people. I mean, I’ve worked most of my life and supported myself and it was fine, but now due to depression, work is simply painful for me. I’ve tried. I can’t. So I have my family now taking care of me. Wish I could reciprocate.

One other thing that makes me akin to a monk is that I am celibate. And this is due to medications that I have been taking for my depression: the meds just made me inactive in that way, disinterested, disconnected. I am not drawn to it at all. It’s kind of freeing, actually.

Not an ordained monk, of course, but still monastic in more ways that one.

Sincerey,
@monasticgamer